Blog or No Blog
Yesterday I thought I had lost all my work of the last few years. Due to some technical issues my blog just seemed to disappear overnight.
As you can probably guess, I was pretty upset. I can honestly say it felt like someone had died. I felt like a piece of myself had been ripped out from inside me and thrown away, totally unrecoverable.
It was one of the worst experiences of my life. And all through the afternoon I was grumpy, depressed, frustrated and down.
The one thing I am good at. The one gift I have. And now even this was being taken from me. Something I had worked at for years, all ripped away, and it had nothing to do with me.
There were harsh words for the people who I thought had done the taking. But this wasn’t going to solve the problem.
So I began working with some technical people to figure out the problem and what we could do. And we began to make progress. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.
However, I still felt emptiness inside. I felt beleaguered without my blog.
But there was another part of me which felt kind of free. Like I had a blank slate to begin again. And there was a degree of liberation there. Despite the hurt and disappointment.
However, it began to look like we would get it all back. And initially this sense of liberation went.
But then I realised something.
I was still free. I was still liberated. I could still write what I wanted. I didn’t have to fit into any rigid structure.
And I realised something else too.
All the time my blog had been down, I could still write. I still had this gift. I still had this calling. And even if I had lost my blog, I would still be able to write. I would still be called to write.
Nothing changed that. And chances are nothing ever will.
My blog was just a space. It wasn’t me. It wasn’t my identity. It wasn’t my god or my security. It wasn’t my calling.
I can still create great work, with or without a blog.
I also began to understand what a privilege this is. I have 450 plus people who love my work. Who are inspired by it. Who are consistently blessed by it.
And yesterday, many of them came out in force to support me. It was truly humbling to hear the level of support I had from people, the amount people believe in me and are for me.
We hear this so rarely. And it made me realise that they ultimately didn’t care if my blog history had gone. They were interested in what was going to come from me. They were invested in me and my writing.
Of course, they were sad I had lost my work. But they still believed in me. They were confident there was more great work to come.
I always struggle with compliments. And this was amazing to hear.
I didn’t die because I didn’t post a blog post yesterday. I didn’t die because my blog went down. I am still here, still living, still writing. And I will keep on going as long as God allows me.
Blog or no blog.